As Time goes by..Two years ago

As Time goes by...  

Two years ago.  How our family was defined was forever changed.  Just as it was that wonderful day eight years ago when we took you home and you became apart of our family.  A defining moment when a child becomes a part of your family.  A defining moment when a child no longer is allowed to be apart of your family.

Yet when asked how many children we have.  We have three.  Our girls still have a brother.  He does not live with us.  Yes sometimes it is easier to brush over ackward explanations.  But that does not change that when you were grafted into our family you became apart of our family forever. Forever in our hearts.  Distance may separate us but our love for you remains.  We release you to love, laugh, learn, to grow, to experience all that life has for you.

As time goes by we have experienced loss and we have experienced life.

Our extended family has once again been blessed with more children.  Once again redefining our family..  We are excited to welcome this new one. Our new niece who joins our family from China.  Those who have never adopted may not understand that Family is not defined by DNA.  Family are the ones you welcome into your hearts and homes. And Just as we welcomed Jared into our family eight years ago.  We welcome this new one.  Forever in our family forever in our hearts.  

Happy 7th Birthday

Happy Birthday Buddy,
This is the first birthday we did not get to share with you.
We called you and left a message on a voicemail.  We sent you a card.  We looked through pictures and videos and we celebrated you.  We cried because we missed you.  But seeing your sweet smile on video and in pictures reminds us that you are very much alive just living without us. You brought so much joy and laughter in our lives.

We remembered and cherished the six birthdays we had with you and pray that you know how much we love and miss you.  Praying that you remember the good times... Your sixth birthday that you celebrated with Russell, your fifth birthday that you celebrated in Kansas City with Family and Friends., The Christmas play that we traditionally did in combination with your birthday with all your Aunts and Uncles and Cousins.  We pray you are happy, we love you forever and we are blessed to have had six years with you..

First Grade

Today I walked up pick up Jolie from school.  Was it just four months ago I was standing in this same spot waiting for you to come out those doors?  I could remember you standing with your backpack on top of your head.  I saw some of your friends.. Emmie, Matthew and Russell.  I wonder how you are doing in your new school with a new name and new friends. There are constant reminders of you everywhere we look.  Yet you are so very far away so out of reach. It has been a while since I have posted.. There is so much I wish I could say to you.  So many people miss you being a part of their lives. We pray you are doing well in your new life.. We love you- Mommy

You're doing fine...So they tell me

You're doing fine.. so they tell me.. But what I want to know is how are you really doing?
I want to how you are coping with your fears, your emotions, your new life.  I want to know if you have lost another tooth. If you have gone swimming, if you have a new bike, if you have met some kids in the neighborhood.  I want to know all those little secrets you used to whisper to me as your mommy.  I miss being there to calm your fears, I miss being there for your sweet hugs and snuggles, I miss watching you swim, hearing you laugh, hearing your constant talking.. We always knew when you were awake... if you were awake at night we could hear you singing, or talking.. and the moment you woke up in the morning you were babbling, singing or making some kind of noise.. The house is so quiet without you. Dinner time is so quiet without you... Life is so quiet without you. Jolie is lost without her constant companion. She misses you so much. We all do. We pray blessings over you and your family.

I love you Forever.
Mommy,

Fillin up your love tank

We had a silly game we played.  While I was filling up the gas tank. You would ask if you could come outside of the car.  I would then pick you up and as the car was getting its gas tank filled we would hug. and we would say glug, glug, glug until your love tank was all filled up.. You especially wanted to play this game on the way home to Texas from Kansas City. Oh how I miss you and wish I could fill your love tank once more. I pray that God is filling up your love tank. That the people around you are filling your love tank.

Love,

Mommy

Always in our thoughts

Dear Jared,
I realize you can't read this right now, but I hope one day you will. If anything I will at least be able to write what I am thinking and  feelings as we begin a life without you in our home.

Last weekend we went and saw Cars2.  You loved Cars Movie. I kept thinking you would outgrow this phase... When we moved to Texas I wanted to paint your room with basketballs and soccer balls.. Everytime we went to the Home Depot you would pick out the Cars Movie Theme room postcard.  We went somewhere and you told a stranger.. My room is going to be like Cars Movie... You were determined. Your love for Cars Movie  was steady for over three  years.. When you turned six, you finally moved on to Transformers.  Seeing Cars2 the movie without you was hard.  I remember you used to carry around one or two lightning McQueen cars in your hands.. You had one with tires on the eyes.. You called him Donut eyes.  You called the girl car.. Salad.. instead of Sally. You called The blue car.. Mr. The king.  Cars Movie will always remind me of you.

This week we went to NrH2O, the waterpark by our house.  We went with Gabby, Pricilla, Mary, Antonio, Angel and Marcello.  We played in the "buckets" your favorite part of the waterpark.  I slid down the slide with Pricilla and Gabriella, I played in the wave pool with them.. I was sad because you were not there.  I chose to play through my sadness.  We miss you soo much.  We want you to be happy as you start your new life, yet we are sad you are not with us.  We love you in the morning, we love you in the night...

Always in our hearts,
Forever our son,

Love
Mommy 

As long as I'm living my baby you'll be

From the day she placed you in my arms, the moment he said take care of my son.  The moment the judge said "You realize adoption is forever." You became mine. In my heart, in our family.  We took you in and embraced you.. You became brother, you became son, you became grandson, you became nephew.. You became apart of our family.  I never imagined a time when  you would not be apart of our family.  Call it silly call it naive. But I trusted if the court said you were ours. Then you were ours forever.. Over a six year period of time, the courts decided three times that you belonged in our family. You remained in our family for six years.  You were our son, you were apart of our family.  So now after six years.. It is still so hard to believe, when I come across paperwork that says Jared Michael Taylor.  When I see last year's season passes to the waterpark.  When I find stray pieces of your clothes in the laundry.  When I find your bacugans or other toys scattered here and there.. It is hard to accept that you are no longer here.  Because the truth is.. You are not erased from our family because the courts said you are to live with your birthfamily. You will always be apart of our family. You will always be Jolie and Aleeya's brother. You will always be our son. We miss you, We will love you for ever, we'll like you for always as long as your living our baby you'll be.